When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
