It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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