And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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