It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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