I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
