YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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