It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
