We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
two words: eviction party
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
