I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
