The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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