I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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