He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
