are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
