Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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