So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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