I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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