Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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