so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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