tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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