You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
