you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize