So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
