brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
