Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
