How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My vagina is officially offended.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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