I think i peed on brittanys purse
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
