Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
