i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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