it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We named our party play list daddy issues
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
