i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
