You're so nebulous sometimes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
