I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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