we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
