Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
