so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
