YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
