It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bring money and cleavage
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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