Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize