I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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