my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
