either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize