I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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