She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
