Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
