U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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