I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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