whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
