I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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