you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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