So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
