I cockslap morals
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
