I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
