i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
