you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im holly from the hills drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
