Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
