I want to have your abortion
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
