Christians are straight up FREAKS
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
