Got a toothbrush?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
