Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
