Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
