Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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