She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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