i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
