I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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