I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
