NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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