you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
please don't ironically join a cult
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