take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
