Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
