OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
