I wish life had little blips of pornography
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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