Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
