before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize