you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
