She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize