You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
