she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
