She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
