After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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