ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
