Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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