I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
