In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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