put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Acid is not a monday night drug
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
