He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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