they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
