come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
