Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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