i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
