Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
