How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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