nut hugger
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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