we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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