Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize